Photo courtesy of Pinterest
There’s nothing quite like the Big-Ten-to-NYU summer dorm pipeline (Brittany Hall, obviously). You’re broke, blissfully delusional and somehow still not getting carded at Mr. Purple.
Back in my day (fuck, I sound like my dad), we pre-gamed with $11 Whispering Angel and thought we were it when we landed drinks at Loopy Doopy. Dinner? The Catch roll at Catch rooftop, obviously — ripped GRLFRND jeans and metallic Golden Goose sneakers required.
The next generation of “I have a 10-hour-a-week job doing social media for a start-up beauty brand” interns wouldn’t be caught dead drinking neon pink cocktails with popsicles in them. They are bringing their debit cards and YSL bags to places I literally can’t get a reservation at… trading in GRLFRND jeans for Nili Lotans and Golden Gooses for Onitsuka Tigers.
With that in mind, here are the restaurants that say, “I don’t know what ROI means, but at least daddy’s paying $2,400 a month for a dorm with broken AC.”
Lord’s
You’re not 100% sure what’s on the menu, but you liked the font and your older cousin claims they have the best burger in the city.
Sartiano's
You come here to feel rich (you have $250 dollars in your checking account). You text your old counselor asking if you could get into Submercer. “You should go to Fiddlesticks, babe.”
Cafe Zaffri
This is your “I discovered it before it blew up” place, except literally everybody knows about it. You order a dish you can't pronounce and take 17 pictures of the basic AF candle.
Crevette
You texted your friend who accidentally took the wrong train, “This is sooo Euro summer”... even though you're sweating through your tube top and the rosé is making you irrationally emotional.
Santi
You bring your one friend with a fake ID and order “a funky orange wine” because you heard Hannah Lovey say that once. You share the Tagliatelle and the truffle pasta… despite swearing off carbs until Santorini.
Cervos
If you’re not getting the chicken, you may as well go meet your friends at La Pecora. You get drunk off one glass of wine and then walk 30 blocks home because “the city at night is so Carrie Bradshaw.”
Minetta Tavern
You don’t know what dry-aged beef is, but call the Black Label burger “so tender.” Your dad’s black card paid. You tipped 9% by accident. “Sorry! I barely passed Calc!”
Locanda Verde
You saw Kendall Jenner tagged here in 2017 and now it’s your whole personality. You post “cozy night in Tribeca” like you didn’t take a $52 dollar Uber to get here.
Portrait Bar
You post a mirror selfie with “meetings & martinis,” even though you start working as a PR intern at Alison Brod next week.
Cactus Wren
You wore a With Jean halter top, an Emi Jay claw clip and your roommate’s Loewe bag. You said “let’s just wing it” and then claim your “IBS is acting up" when the wait was 45 minutes.
Quique Crudo
You claimed you “found it randomly,” but actually bookmarked it three months ago on TikTok. You wore Sam Edelman ballet flats and sneakily googled “what is lobster ceviche” under the table.
Cecchi's
You wear your mom’s vintage Hermes scarf as a top and tell everyone this place is “giving Milan.” You also order the $25 martini and pretend you always drink it filthy (you hate olives).
Opto
It’s your camp friend's “casual birthday thing” that turned into a 14-person dinner. The birthday girl is mad no one brought her a cake, two girls are wearing the same top from Reformation and the check is more than you're making at Bloomingdale's all summer.
Mamo
Brigette and Danielle Pheloung had their birthday here… so you obviously needed to book a res. You will refer to this spot as "downtown chic" for the next six months.
Casa Carmen
Where you go when you want to feel cultured, but actually just saw someone post the wall decor on TikTok. Get the octopus. I don’t care that the texture “freaks you out.”
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