New York Fashion Week. It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.
Over the past four years, I’ve rocked some of my favorite fits I’ve ever put on my body… and some that are more hideous than my lavender rhinestone-encrusted Bat Mitzvah dress. If you know, you know. Coming off the heels of fashion week, I’ve decided to utterly humiliate myself by taking a little trip down memory lane….
“Excuse me,” I whisper as I shuffle past a posse of blonde tooth-pick clones all donning the latest Proenza Schouler collection. Shit. Is it bad that I'm wearing Jacquemus to a Proenza show? Whatever. As long as nobody knows my sunglasses are $12 from Amazon. I aimlessly roam the room trying to find my seat, my Stuart Weitzman heels pinching my toes so much I may take them off and ask for flip flops. Just kidding. I’m not that much of an uncultured swine.
Where the hell is B15?! Just as I was about to swallow my pride and ask the 6-foot-2 filler-clad woman next to me where my seat was, my eyes landed on my throne. Ah, there she was, B15, in all her glory. The very last row, the last seat on the left, next to the bathroom.
I plop myself down, taking a long, deep breath, Melissa Wood-style. The lights begin to dim. Ava Max is playing softly on the loudspeaker. Thank god. A young woman also sitting in the nosebleeds peers back at me and says, “Wait, I love your glasses! Where are they from?”
I present to you my fashion week looks — from damn girl to I’m literally so scared.
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This was the first outfit I ever wore to a fashion week event, and honestly, it was a slay. The sheer mesh was definitely a bold move for a fashion week virgin, but not gonna lie, I look hot. I would totally wear this Norma number again.
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This was probably the most effortless look I’ve worn to fashion week thus far. These Wardrobe NYC tights are super chic in white, and I love how I paired them with a simple yet elevated black heel and blazer. Trying hard without looking like you’re trying hard, ya know?
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I’m really vibing with this look as well. The Sammi Miro denim trench is a definite statement piece, so I’m happy I kept it relatively plain with a black mini dress and boots. I feel like if I wore this a few years prior, I would have totally overdone it with a failed Canadian tuxedo moment.
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You can never go wrong with a pantsuit. Frankie Shop kills the oversized blazer game, so naturally, this look is one of my favorites. I totally see where I was going with the shoes, but I’d probably trade them in for a slightly less in-your-face shade of pink.
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I have a love-hate relationship with this Jill Sander coat. It is beyond epic (especially because I got it for $500 at a vintage market!), but it’s giving a little more Macklemore than I would like. If it was a few sizes smaller, this would definitely be near the top of my list.
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It would be criminal for this Mugler look to not make the list, but let’s be real, it’s a little too much. Granted, I was in London and it was my birthday, but I would probably wear something a little less costume-y if I were to do it over again. Kudos to me for walking around the hotel lobby like this, though.
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This would be sick for an alien-themed party, but for fashion week, I’m genuinely so taken aback. The pink rhinestone heels and silver shield sunglasses make the look one-hundred times tackier. Sure, it’s “expressive,” but definitely not high-fashion.
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Wait, like, can I literally chill? If I did the bra top with a plain silk pant, fine. But the matching sequined trousers & fake valentino pumps?! Horrible. Plus, the pants are super unflattering on me. I remember ripping a hole in the butt the second I got home.
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The fact that I wore this to a Sarah Jessica Parker event makes me so upset. Carrie Bradshaw would puke at these boots — EVEN if they were Manolo. Plus, the bag looks like it’s from the dollar store.
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If I could go back and tell myself one thing, it would be this: No matter how many catsuits and pink velvet boots you wear, you will never be Kim.
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