We’re all way too familiar with that pit-in-your-stomach feeling when the guy who said “you’re not like other girls” isn’t going to text you back. Despite our female Intuition, we come up with a million and one reasons to justify why we haven't heard from him yet. Maybe he’s trying to play it cool. Maybe he really is busy closing that deal. Maybe he ate really bad sushi last night and is in the hospital with food poisoning.
When it comes to dating, we are all guilty of being delulu — even and ESPECIALLY when all signs are pointing to “he’s just not that into you.” In an attempt to control the spiral, good friends will tell you that you’re “getting in your head” or to “give it another day.” Great friends will tell you to stop holding your breath — everything he was saying was complete and utter bullshit and he’s already onto the next.
So, in the spirit of keeping it real, I’m here to tell you all the signs that you’re never going to hear from him again.
Before we embark on this journey together, I urge you to remember two things:
1. Trust your gut
2. If he wanted to, he would
The 24-hour rule
There are exceptions to every rule, but 99.999% of the time, if you don’t hear from him within 24 hours of the date, it’s game over. Men are extremely uncomplicated beings — if they are interested, they will make it known fast.
“Sorry, work has been crazy”
Unless you are performing brain surgery, nobody is too busy to send a quick “How’s your day going?” text. And no, “waiting on comments” does not carry the same weight as a Craniotomy. If you tend to go for guys in private equity like me, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
“Let’s be in touch”
If a guy really wants to see you again, he will be extremely direct about it. If he is being even the least bit vague… "I’ll let you know when I’m free,” “we’ll do something soon” and my personal fave, “let’s be in touch,” it’s time to throw a funeral and move on. Unless he follows up with a date and time, he doesn’t give a shit about seeing you again.
Making future plans on the first date
People will likely argue with me on this one, but every time a guy has made open-ended (keyword) plans for the future while we’re sipping martinis across from each other at Mace, he proceeds to fall off the face of the earth. If there is any mention of “we should” or “next time,” he is likely 1. Love bombing you or 2. Pulling shit out of his ass for the fun of it. Truly psychotic behavior.
You Text First
I know it sounds old-fashioned, but between dates one through five, the guy always needs to text first. If you’re the one repeatedly initiating conversation, he’s responding because he’s bored — not because he’s dying to talk to you.
Pen Pals
This one is a classic. If he is nonstop texting you about what he ate for dinner or where he’s watching the Michigan game this weekend but ISN’T asking to see you again, he has zero intention of going on another date. We’re looking for our husband, not a textingship.
Cancelling on you last minute
Shit obviously happens, but if he cancels on you two hours before the date, it’s not because he suddenly “isn’t feeling well” or “got slammed at work.” He made other plans or decided he doesn’t think you’re that cute.
The moral of the story is simple: If you’re even slightly confused if he is into you or not, he isn’t. In the wise words of Serena Kerrigan, “If it’s not a fuck yes, it’s a fuck no.”
Sorry, babe.
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