As an anxiety girlie, I typically know how to comfort my friends when they’re having a lil mental health moment. “Let me know what you need from me” or “something I find really helpful is…” are usually the first two things that come out of my mouth.
Disclaimer: I say "usually" because how people like to be comforted is an important factor to consider here. Is the person on the receiving end looking for advice at this moment, or do they just need to vent? If you don’t know the answer to this question, ask!
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve confided in friends about something I was struggling with and was not satisfied with the response I got in return. I know you’re probably thinking get new friends, but that’s not the answer here (in my case, at least — I have the BEST friends!) The real answer is to lower your expectations.
Empathy is an impossible thing to teach, and there are very few people who know how to exercise it properly. If your friends are giving you all they know how to give, then your only choice is to accept it. Shoutout to the real ones who consistently show up... you know who you are <3
As somebody who suffers from “high expectation syndrome,” I found myself obsessed with Bran Flakezz’ “Ranking my favorite responses to receive from my friends” series. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, the viral TikTok creator and mental health advocate ranks his friends' responses to everything from “I’m tipsy” to “I have gossip.”
The genius behind the concept is that it’s silly and lighthearted on the surface, yet touches on universal themes of friendship, expectation setting and grappling with disappointment. The series is a microcosm of Bran’s (real name Brandon Edelman) brilliance in entirety — he uses wildly unfiltered humor to address the real shit everybody can relate to in one way or another. And makes you pee your pants in the process.
At large, Bran has played a key role in de-stigmatizing mental health and the “unsexy” struggles of being a twenty-something. Without further ado, I present to you Bran's “Ranking my favorite responses to receive from my friends when I tell them I have anxiety: Fluent Edition.”
1. How can I help?
Having a friend instantly reply and ask how they can show up for you is the best response to hear when you're feeling anxious.
2. Want me to come over?
What can I say — I'm a needy b*tch! When I'm feeling anxious, I need to not be in my head! Having someone come over and help talk me out of a spiral is so appreciated.
3. Let's take a walk/go for a drive!
This is one of my favorites, helping me get out of my head AND my environment? Period!
4. Let's talk it out.
Sometimes, this is SO helpful. Having someone listen and then help you rethink the situation from a different perspective is incredibly helpful.
5. Me too, what's going on?
Listen... I hate to be that girlie, but sometimes, knowing you're not alone can be really comforting. Let's be anxious together, bestie!!!
6. You're being dramatic.
Listen... this one does piss me off, but sometimes I NEED to hear it! Because it can be true! And a good friend WILL let you know when you're overthinking it.
7. Sorry just saw this!!!!
You know the one... you're spiraling, sweating, freaking and all you need is your bestie to pick up the phone. HOURS go by and finally you receive the "sorry just saw this" message. LIKE, COME ON, GIRL, I WAS PANICKING!
8. It's not that deep.
Nah. I hate this phrase. So invalidating. For some reason, this one bothers me way more than being called dramatic. It just feels very dismissive.
9. It could be worse!
I hate this one too. Like, yeah — I am AWARE that it could be worse. But, that doesn't mean it still doesn't suck???
10. Relax/calm down!
Like girl... be so f**king for real. Do you think maybe I tried to calm down/relax before reaching out to you? It clearly isn't working.
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